Proper 14B’24
11 August 2024
Ephesians 4.25-5.2
St. Luke’s Episcopal Church
North Little Rock, Arkansas
The Rev. Carey Stone <+>
“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.” Amen. – from Ephesians 4.26 NRSV
Today’s Deadly Sin is – Anger!
A candidate for ordination as a priest or deacon in the Episcopal Church goes through a process of discernment and preparation that can last for several years. During this process they are thoroughly examined and questioned about their entire lives from top to bottom. The most frequently asked question of all candidates for ordination may or may not surprise you. The question – “How do you deal with your anger, and the anger of others?” The question is phrased quite intentionally, notice they aren’t asked “Do you ever get angry” or “Do people in church ever get angry?” The question assumes that you do get angry and that other people also get angry. Anger is one of the many emotions human beings feel, and isn’t in and of itself wrong, but it can be one of the most problematic. St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians never says “don’t get angry” what it does say is “Be angry, but do not sin.” A colleague once did a search on Amazon and discovered that there are around forty thousand religious book titles on the subject of anger, and how to deal with it. A more accurate word for the “deadly sin” is not anger but wrath. Anger is an emotion, wrath on the other hand is an action and our actions fueled by anger can create a lot of different problems, and yes can definitely become sinful. The Greek word Paul uses for anger (or-gay) means a violent passion or vengeance.
For most of us, it is growing up in our families where we first become acquainted with the emotion of anger. Here in our family, we learn if it is safe to outwardly express our anger or not. In some families, anger is not allowed to be shown outwardly at all, in others, anger comes out in rage and vitriol, or as verbal and physical abuse. Basically, it is in our families where we learn to either spew our anger out on others, to swallow and stew silently on our anger, or speak our
anger in more appropriate ways. So, it’s not a sin to be angry but it’s all in how we deal with it – “Be angry, but do not sin.” Since every one of us gets angry this is good news for every one of us.
The human emotion of anger can serve a deeper purpose and can empower folks to stare down, stand up, and speak put about injustice in all of its many forms. Jesus’ famous turning over the tables of the money changers in the temple is a great example of how to confront an injustice “you turning my Father’s house of prayer into a marketplace and a den of thieves!” No humans or animals were harmed that day but the awareness of a great injustice was brought to
every one’s attention. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a white-hot anger towards the injustice of segregation and inequality of African Americans, while he hated segregation and racism, he never hated the perpetrators and he never turned to violence and vengeance as a solution, he famously said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Author and counselor John Bradshaw, who worked with many who were seeking to confront unhealthy family systems, and life controlling problems referred to anger as “the emotion of human dignity.” He helped people to channel their anger toward overcoming abuse, and recovering from unhealthy family systems, and addictions of all kinds. A therapist I once worked with had a phrase I think is hopeful and helpful – “Get mad, and get well!” In this sense anger can be a powerful catalyst for positive change and growth for all of us. Jesus got angry, Martin Luther King, Jr. got angry, John Bradshaw got angry and helped many who were emotionally trapped find health and recovery. [Be angry, but do not sin!]
However, anger can turn deadly when a person is consumed by it and becomes, physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive – when anger is a habitual state and condition of their character. When one thinks of Jesus, Dr. King, or others we don’t associate anger with their character. It was an emotion they experienced but they were able to channel it for good and for justice. Jesus’ character is remembered more along the lines of kindness, compassion, gentleness, etc.
When anger moves a person towards wrath it spews out of control and they take it out on others and much harm is done.
Another approach in dealing with anger is to see it as somehow morally wrong and they learn to swallow it, to stew on anger and allow it to fester. This approach can lead to passive-aggressive behavior where our anger comes out sideways. There was a colleague [not from this diocese] that I’ll never forget going to lunch with once. He was typically mild-mannered. One of the cooks had called in sick and they were short staffed so it took a while for us to get our food. When the waiter brought our food ‘Dr. Jekyll took him over’ and he lit into the poor guy verbally ripping him a new one for something that wasn’t his fault. This guy had so much pent-up anger that he had been stewing on, and decided to let it out on a vulnerable waiter who couldn’t retaliate. My colleague demonstrated how denying our anger by swallowing it and stewing on it finally comes out and bites us on the backside. [Be angry, but do not sin.]
Our denial of anger can lead us to passive-aggressive expressions like slander and gossip, where our egos seek to tear someone down while trying to make us feel more superior and better about ourselves. Our anger denied can turn into unforgiveness and resentment that has a corrosive effect on our own selves. As the author, Anne Lamott noted, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” As Frederick Buechner once wrote: “Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”1
To be angry and not to sin is about our acknowledgment and healthy expression of our anger for all the right reasons, to stand against violence, wrath, oppression, suppression, against the evil perpetrated on the vulnerable, to stick up for ourselves when our boundaries are violated by bullies. To acknowledge that even while grieving a loss we may need to own and admit our anger toward the deceased for their sins of commission and omission, or towards those family members or health care providers who directly or indirectly caused their death. St. Paul shines to light on the high and life-giving road that points on the map where our anger is located and then points us beyond on the road to healthy expressions: “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, don’t make room for the devil’s [schemes]. Let no evil talk come from your mouths, but only what is useful in building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit, put away from you all bitterness and wrath, and anger and wrangling and slander, and all malice…and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Be imitators of God as beloved children…live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
Dear friends, let’s make it our mission to live by these life-giving words! Amen!
1 Buechner, Frederick, Wishful Thinking